Hey everyone. Don't you just love short work weeks! I know I do. For those of you not fortunate enough to get Good Friday off, may I just say, MUHAHAHAHA! Kidding. Sorry for ya! But I do get the day off & plan to get a little rest after running some errands for the biz & getting my grill drilled! My teeth are JACKED up! Anywho. Let's get on with this.
So as I said, it's a short week for me. I am currently in school working on that ever elusive degree & taking 3 classes this semester. This is Spring break so I am able to get home by 6! It feels weird being home so early watching TV. But it's cool cuz I get to hang with my boys longer. I also got to take them to their Taekwondo class without rushing. GASP! So as my kids were training, I got into a lengthy conversation with 1 of the dads there. His son is one of the older kids & ours started around the same time. His son should be about an advanced red belt by now since he started as a white belt while my kids spent the 1st 6 months in the tiny tiger program. Well now he is only 1 level ahead of them as an advanced blue belt while my sons are both blue belts.
The kids dad was obviously upset by this, but admitted it was his fault because he had no faith in his son & purposely asked to hold him back due to his son misbehaving at home & school. Now he sees younger kids like mine, passsing him by. I sat there listing to this man talk about his son with such disgust. He said his son was bad at school, bad at TKD & bad at home. Never listens & so on. It was very annoying. I mean we all want whats best for our kids & I know at times I can be kinda hard on my boys trying to get them to always try their best but I would never ever speak about my sons with such disapproval. This guy spoke highly of his daughters, but made his son sound like left overs. I watched as his son looked back to see if his dad was watching & his dad would bark orders at him. Then the kid would just start acting up. Playing around & stuff. As an older child he sets the tone for how the younger kids will try to act.
So of course my son started acting out. But after listing to this other father, I immediately changed up. I wasn't going to yell at my sons the way this guy did. I don't want to be that parent. I don't want my kids to think I am not proud of them. The stuff I put them through is not easy. I know this. If it was, every kid would do it. We practice at home. Reading, writing, math, TKD & just everyday behavior. I try to teach them to take pride in what they do & not get into bad habits. Then we go out & people give me & their mom all of these kudos. The man I spoke to praised me for being able to handle both of them as well as I do & admitted he was at the end of his rope with his son. It was sad. I can only imagine what that kid is going through. My dad wasn't there, so I never had that disapproving father. I try not to do that to my sons, but maybe me being so hard on them or pushing them to be their best makes them feel that way. I really hope not. If so I have to really re-evaluate how I approach being a father. I always speak highly of my kids to people. I tell the good & bad, but I don't call my child dumb or slow. I don't demean them.
So the dad asked me for some tips. Keep in mind this is an older man, with older children who falls into the majority category. So the fact that he asked me for fatherly advice honestly made me feel validated as a parent. That maybe I am doing some things right. So I told him that the last thing I want to do is scar my kids. I try positive reinforcement. Even when they act up or I have to discipline them, I let em know that I am doing it out of love. That I only care about them being ok when I am not around. I want them to understand that in life, nothing is given. So the fact that I am putting them on this path to learn to succeed at an early age, shouldn't be taken for granted. I don't sugar coat things with them. The world is not covered in marshmallows & lollipops. It's ugly & the few out their with happy lives had to work for that life.
My kids understand hard work. They also understand the rewards of doing their best. They are accomplishing things at 6 & 7 that I haven't even done at 35. So I am 100% proud of them. He said I was right & maybe he expected too much from his son & would loosen up a bit. I told him not to expect less, just don't be so hard on him when he makes a mistake. Don't get me wrong, I bark orders at my kids. When they make a mistake or act bratty I let them know. I'm not going to love them any less or give up on them. So when he says he's fed up or tired of trying, his sons can feel that. I also told him that I pick my battles with my kids. I don't have the energy to make every little thing they do a big deal. So getting upset with them for not doing as well in 1 thing as they do in another, is pointless to me. I try to help them get better in their weak areas, but I understand that maybe that is not their talent. My sons love taekwondo, but they don't really have a talent for it. So I'm not going to explode because they struggle with the newer moves. My kids aren't the athletic types where it all comes easy to them, but they try their best, thats all I ask.
So to the father I spoke with, I hope you figure it all out & you can look past you son's faults & figure out how to make life better at home & school for him otherwise your son will grow up resenting you & scarred.
Until next time
D
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